Friday, March 13, 2009

You Must Be 18 To Read This Post

Last Saturday, after an exceptional IE Reading that featured Lauren Bender, Tom Raworth and Rob Halpern

I sat having drinks with friends

C, Ju, Jo, and P -- P being the only woman in our company, and she was in discussion with Ju and Jo while

I was explaining to C that in the 50s pharmacists made a conscious decision

To use placebos

In birth control pill cycles so that women

Would not freak out

On account of not bleeding

P (resident woman) overheard our talk

Thought it was funny

Even though C and I were saying intelligent things seriously

Such as "some birth control plans make it so you only have to bleed four times a year"

Things like that struck P as hilarious

At least to hear C and I conjecturing about it

Funny and IMPORTANT though

Bros

Bros

We need to tell women about their uteruses.




Publishing Genius Press announces a call for submissions for the first ever This PDF Anthology called "Let Me Tell You About Your Uterus." Send short essays explaining biological phenomena that is specifically related to femininity. Women need answers; we (bros) can help.

Submissions should be 200 words or less. They should deal exhaustively with answering questions like these:

1) What should I expect during menopause. 2) Why do my breasts change size and shape during the menstrual cycle? 3) What is the best erogenous zone, the clitoris or the g-spot? 4) How do you spell falopian? 5) Do you have any tips for dealing with cramps? 6) Who is the best OB/GYN in my area? 7) What's the truth about female ejaculation? 8) Other.

Speak from your hearts and your current smarts, fellas. The ladies want answers to these questions based on what you know now, not what you can learn on Wikipedia.

Bros only. Sorry ladies, it just wouldn't make sense to hear your voice on this. Take a break and let the dudes fill you in. I think there is a "Let Me Tell You About Your Vas Deferens" on the horizon, and that one is chicks only.

Simultaneous submissions are okay, but really hard to achieve.

Pseudonymous submissions are okay too.

No payment though. Except probably lots of fawning, appreciative women.

21 comments:

Molly Gaudry said...

There had better be a vas deferens on the horizon, buddy.

Jane Sellman said...

I'm writing the essay as we speak -- as soon as I find my uterus that is. I left it somewhere at U of MD.

Is the next anthology, Tell Us About Your Penis.

Just curious and not yellow.

Adam R. said...

Hey Jane
Hey Molly

What up ladies how's it hanging?

Jane, I think Molly will edit a journal called "Let Me Tell You About Your Vas Deferens," which is the tube that brings the sperm from the balls to the business end of the stick, if you catch my drift.

Jane Sellman said...

Ah, I don't have a big enough mitt to catch your drift, but I'll see what I can find at Foot Locker.

What be thy deadline for this anthology and may I write said essay in cowardly couplets.

I just joined Twitter and I am very Twitterpated.

Adam R. said...

As of now there is no call for submissions for "Let Me Tell You About Your Vas Deferens" (which is the journal women can submit to, guest edited by Molly Gaudry). We still have some things to work out. I'll keep you posted! I'll tweet the call.

Jane Sellman said...

Actually I meant the deadline for the Let Me Tell You About Your Uterus anthology.

Adam R. said...

That anthology is only open to male writers. Sorry! See original post:

Bros only. Sorry ladies, it just wouldn't make sense to hear your voice on this. Take a break and let the dudes fill you in. I think there is a "Let Me Tell You About Your Vas Deferens" on the horizon, and that one is chicks only.

I guess it's not the most lucid call for submissions ever written . . .

Jane Sellman said...

Apparently I am not very lucid.

Checked bank account. No money for sex reassignment.

Will write bad menopause poem and post sometime soon in honor of the bros.

WordGirlSam sorry she not read instructions carefully. Must remember that when lighting oven or using insecticide, especially if doing both at same time.

Ryan W. Bradley said...

i may have to give this one a shot. it'll give me a good mental break from the chapbook manuscript i am working on of vasectomy poems.

i may be thick, did i miss a deadline in there somewhere?

Ryan W. Bradley said...

also, can we submit multiple pieces if we really get rolling on this?

Adam R. said...

Submit as many pieces as you want! For sure!

All submissions should be received by May 1! Sooner the better!

Cool!

John Madera said...

Hi Adam,

This is off topic but I was wondering if you'd be into putting a top ten list together of your favorite novellas and a few lines, if you like, about each. I've reached out to a bunch of writers, editors, etc. Among others, Scott Esposito, Cooper Renner, Leni Zumas, Peter Selgin have agreed to participate. Once I get everyone's back, I'll post them on my blog along with links to everyone's respective websites.

A bit about me:

I'm a writer living in New York City, review for Bookslut, The Quarterly Conversation, and New Pages, and blog at www.johnmadera.blogspot.com and www.mypetearworm.blogspot.com. elimae has published my fiction.

Feel free to reach me at johnmadera@gmail.com

Thanks,

John

John Madera said...

Hi Adam,

This is off topic but I was wondering if you'd be into putting a top ten list together of your favorite novellas and a few lines, if you like, about each. I've reached out to a bunch of writers, editors, etc. Among others, Scott Esposito, Cooper Renner, Leni Zumas, Peter Selgin have agreed to participate. Once I get everyone's back, I'll post them on my blog along with links to everyone's respective websites.

A bit about me:

I'm a writer living in New York City, review for Bookslut, The Quarterly Conversation, and New Pages, and blog at www.johnmadera.blogspot.com and www.mypetearworm.blogspot.com. elimae has published my fiction.

Feel free to reach me at johnmadera@gmail.com

Thanks,

John

Adam R. said...

Love to.
Love to.

Molly Gaudry said...

Yay! Yes yes yes.

Kate said...

ut oh, your conservative roots are showing...

There will be millions of menstruating middle schoolers (under 18) who will be deprived of these man-generated gems! Think of all the bleeding eleven year olds who won't know what men have to say about their bodies! You won't be able to stop all the budding feminists from reaching for Our Bodies, Our Selves! But hey, don't listen to me. My uterus just swam into my brain and turned me hysterical!

Molly, count me in.

Phampersand Press said...

I am way late to the party, but I was telling, exclaiming to Ju that this ought to be a Narrow House Exclusive diptych... but I guess the Genius and the 'House will have to fight about this one.

I'm a fan of Let Me Tell You About Your Junk.


-P

Phampersand Press said...

but don't forget the

Prologue by

Drunk Bro

Brandi Wells said...

that sounds wonderful.

and i would totally submit to 'Let Me Tell You About Your Vas Deferens'

Molly Gaudry said...

Jane, Kate, Brandi,

AWESOME!

M.

bryan keen said...

submission emitted.

with love...

The blog of Adam Robinson and Publishing Genius Press